November 22, 2003
Roger Weidner and his brother end the cold war
Just when you thought Roger couldn't get any crazier, now Roger is claiming his brother invented software that ended the cold war.
deseretnews.com | Man accuses firms of stealing software
Man accuses firms of stealing software
By Geoffrey Fattah
Deseret News staff writer
PROVO — A self-described linguist and programmer has filed a lawsuit against Novell, the Eyring Research Institute and the founders of WordPerfect for a whopping $40 billion, claiming his software was pirated and used to create WordPerfect as well as some of Novell's first military missile programs.
Bruce Wydner of Eden, Weber County, and his brother, Roger Weidner, filed the suit last fall against Novell, Eyring Research and Bruce Bastian and Allen Ashton, formerly of WordPerfect.
Speaking to the Deseret News, Wydner claims a language translation software that he developed back in 1977 was inspired by passages within the Book of Mormon in which the Ancient Nephites were described as having the ability to decipher any human language through visual cues. In addition to alleging that his software was stolen, Wydner credits his software for ending the Cold War between the United States and Russia.
After working as a linguist at the Pentagon and translating messages for the Central Intelligence Agency, Wydner claims he was recruited by Brigham Young University to conduct research on what was to be known as his "Cost-Effective Machine Translation" software. Pointing to articles done in 1978 by the Deseret News and the Wall Street Journal, Wydner claims he was a part of a project to work on translation software.
While at the Eyring Institute, a language translation research group that had its start at Brigham Young University, Wydner said he faced ridicule for his methods by fellow researchers. "I just couldn't work there because people were making fun of me," Wydner said. He also claimed to have taught courses based on his system at BYU.
BYU spokeswoman Carri Jenkins said in checking with those associated with the Eyring Institute, which has not been a part of BYU for the last 13 years, Jenkins said there was no recollection of Wydner working there. A search of staff and associate instructor records also yielded no proof that Wydner taught courses at BYU from 1972 to 1973.
But, according to Wydner's suit, it was around 1978 that programmers at the Eyring Institute began using his program without his knowledge. Wydner alleges that several programmers, including WordPerfect founders Bastian and Ashton, used his code to write one of the first highly popular word processing softwares of its time. In addition, programmers also allegedly used the code to devise a missile guidance system for the U.S. Air Force, those programmers would later go on, Wydner claims, to form Novell Corp.
Wydner's brother, Roger Weidner, said he is an attorney in Oregon who is helping to file the suit. Weidner said he estimated that Novell had earned about 8 billion in profits annually. Based on that estimate, Weidner said he came up with the multibillion figure for damages.
"That's basically a guesstimate of what they earned over the past couple of years," Weidner said.
But in the face of such outrageous allegations, Wydner said he is simply out to claim credit and profits that he says are rightfully his. When asked why he waited well over two decades to file his suit, Wydner said he was unaware of the alleged scheme to steal his software until December 1999 when a former Eyring programmer came forward and told him the story.
Wydner is seeking damages totaling $40 billion, for claims of breach of contract, unjust enrichment and fraud.
Yet despite the hefty price tag on this suit, none of the defendants appear to be taking it too seriously. After nearly four months, neither Novell, nor the founders of WordPerfect have bothered to file a response to the suit.
"We have received a copy of the complaint and we believe that it's frivolous," said Novell spokesman Kevan Barney. Barney said Novell attorneys could find no direct claim in the suit against Novell and that Novell planned to seek the dismissal of the suit.
The following is a related story from Roger's point of view:
On May l3, 2003 Bruce Wydner, and his brother Roger Weidner, appeared in the Utah County Courtroom of Judge Lynn Davis, in Provo, Utah. Bruce Wydner and Roger Weidner were in court to be heard on the Summary Judgment Motion they had filed in the Breach of Contract, Fraud and Unjust Enrichment action they had filed against Novell, Word-Perfect, Eyring Research, Bruce Bastian and Alan Ashton. Appearing in support of Bruce and Roger were 70 concerned citizens from around the country including Senator Trent Lott’s cousin Jesse Lott, Oregon newspaper publisher Larry Jackson, Sheriff Mack and Utah radio talk show host Tom Draschel.
In the complaint Bruce Wydner stated that he is the inventor of cost effective machine translation, the key technology allowing the development of the internet. The complaint charges that in l978, in violation of the non-compete, non-circumvent, non-disclosure contract Wydner had with Eyring Research and its employees the technology was pirated by Eyring Research to fulfill the contract Eyring had with the United States Air Force.
Then Bruce Bastian, an employee of Eyring, and Allen Ashton, with the consent of Eyring, but without the knowledge of Wydner, unlawfully appropriated Wydner’s intellectual property to start Word Perfect. The complaint also charges that former Eyring Research employees Mr. Fairclough, Mr. Nyberg, Mr. Christiansen and a fourth party also obtained the technology to start Novell by threatening Eyring Research President Ron Hanson. The complaint states that the four founders of Novell told Hanson that if they were denied the technology they would tell Wydner that Eyring had unlawfully permitted the technology to be turned over to Word-Perfect.
Before the hearing, outside the courtroom, Bruce Wydner’s brother, and co-complainant, Roger Weidner, the l998 Oregon Reform Party candidate for Governor and a former attorney and public prosecutor, told the supporters assembled that he has spent the last l5 years fighting the pervasive corruption in the Oregon court system. Roger Weidner told the supporters that what he has seen repeated over and over again is innocent people having their children, their lands and other property shamelessly stolen by corrupt attorneys, bureaucrats or judges. He said no matter how blatant the theft the victims complaint is always dismissed on one pretense or another so the victim can never get their case heard by a jury of their peers as the law requires. Weidner said all of these victims are being denied fundamental "equal protection" and "due process" of law guaranteed to the citizens of Oregon under the Oregon Constitution and the Constitution of the United States.
Frances Weidner, the 93 year old mother of Roger and Bruce, was introduced to the supporters. Roger told those present that without his mother’s steadfast support over the past l5 years it would have been impossible for him to have had the success he has had in cleaning up the corruption in the Oregon court system. Roger told how his mother, weighing less than l00 pounds, had repeatedly intimidated corrupt attorneys and judges by openly confronting them about their corruption in the courtroom. Roger related one incident in l992 where he was being violently arrested, and choked to the ground, for trying to speak in court that his mother attempted to kick one of the arresting guards while her arms were being held behind her back by Deputy Multnomah County Sheriff Rita Berman. In another incident he related that in l994 his mother chased former Chief Justice of the Oregon Supreme Court, Ed Petersen, out of the Multnomah County Courthouse after he ordered the arrest of Roger for insisting on speaking in court on the record.
Roger told the supporters to remain standing when they entered the courtroom until the judge came in. In the courtroom, before the judge came in, Roger told those assembled that they were the sovereign political authority in the state. He said that the judge and the guards are all public employees who, as a condition of their employment, have taken an oath of office to uphold and defend the constitutional rights of the citizens appearing as parties in court. While Roger Weidner was telling the supporters how his brothers intellectual property had been pirated by Bruce Bastian, who was sitting nearby at the counsel table, his attorney John Mullen, lost his composure and angrily said "you’re a liar" to Bruce Wydner. Mullen then in a defiant tone contemptuously asked Bruce Wydner "what is it we stole?". Bruce Wydner, without a moments hesitation responded, "automatic parshing" which is the key technoloy that allows the internet to function. Roger told the supporters that they were there to see that he and Bruce were able to make a full record of how Bruce’s intellectual property had been pirated by the defendants and used to generate billions of dollars in illicit profits for the defendants.
After Judge Davis entered the courtroom he said he was first going to hear the defendant’s Motion To Dismiss the breach of contract claim. Judge Davis, acting like an attorney for the defendants, challenged whether Roger Weidner and Bruce Wydner could bring the action since the contract was between Weidner Communications Inc., owned by their younger brother Stephen, and Eyring. Roger pointed out the contract was a third party beneficiary contract entered between Weidner Communication and Eyring Research to protect Bruce Wydner’s intellectual property.
After attorney Mullen spoke, Roger Weidner addressed the court saying his brother was the world recognized inventor of "automatic parshing, which is the technology that allows the internet to operate. He said Bruce Wydner had contracted with Eyring to do some technical work to perfect his ability to do automatic machine translation. He told the judge that his brother’s office at Eyring had been padlocked in l978 in order to block Bruce Wydner from removing his intellectual property. Roger told the judge that it was not until November of l999 that Bruce Wydner was told by the Harmon family, founders of Eyring Research, that the Air Force had ordered them to seize, for national security purposes, his brother’s intellectual property.
Bruce Wydner then addressed the court telling the judge that he was the world recognized inventor of "automatic parshing." He then turned and pointed at Bruce Bastian, who was sitting behind his attorney Mullen, and said: "In l978 I contracted with Eyring to see if they could produce cost effective machine translation. I was about to fire Eyring because none of their programmers were linguist. Eyring President Ron Hansen said his $5.00 an hour programmer Bruce Bastian could speak Italian and would that do. I told Hansen that Italian and Spanish were similar and so continued working with Eyring and Bastian. Because Eyring had signed the no-compete, non-circumvent agreement I had no idea that Bastian was training all of the rest of the programmers at Eyring how to use my technology in order to be able to collect 96 million dollars from the Air Force." Weidner said that although he had a strange reaction when he told LDS President Kimbal in l982 that he had invented "automatic parsing," it was not until l999 that he finally became aware of the fact that both Word-Perfect and Novell were created out of the technology he had invented.
As Bruce Wydner and Roger Weidner were condemning Bastian for his thievery he sat behind his attorney, head down and his complexion alternating between a bright red and a dull purple hue physically reflecting his obvious embarrassment and shame. Except for the momentary outburst by Mullen, before the hearing started, neither Bastian or Mullen questioned the truthfulness of the charges that both Bruce Wydner and Roger Weidner were leveling against Bruce Bastian, Alan Ashton, Word-Perfect, Eyring Research or Novell. After the hearing was concluded a very shaken Bruce Bastian left the courtroom under the protection of one of the Deputy Sheriffs present.
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On a related note we find that old Roger might be breaking the law. The following is an excerpt from the
Oregon Judicial Watch newsletter dated October 2003.
Next meeting will be Saturday, Nov. 8, 2 – 4 pm, at the Beaverton Public Library, 5th & Hall. Come and listen to Roger Weidner explain how successful he believes the Weidner Method is. For those who wonder what is the Weidner Method, it’s preparing and filing in court a Request for Summary Judgment; get a court hearing date, then go to court with a group of sup-porters; state the facts of your case; the opposition states their position; and the judge hands down a decision.
At the October meeting Roger faced down a dissident group asking him to resign as President of OJW. Dissidents are unhappy with his charging for helping prepare legal papers to represent themselves in court as he is a disbarred lawyer and they are unhappy also for charging to publish their story in THE OREGON OBSERVER. When does a reputable newspaper charge for a news worthy story? They ask does the Weidner Method get back our children? Our land? Our property? Keep us out of prison? No, it does not. Beautiful little Melissa Gaston has been adopted away. The legal heir of the multi-million dollar Kettleberg Estate did not receive a dime. Hartford VanDyke is in prison. Lanny Mateir is in prison. The Reussers did not prevail against Washington Mutual (Ken tells us though Roger has not charged them a dime). In these and many other court battles where the Weidner Method has been tried, including Roger’s own attempt to save his investment in a houseboat, all lost.
Can it honestly be said failure was due to a corrupt judicial system? Or can it be said that fine points of law were missed? And that judges being human beings retaliate to name calling and threats and intimidation from what appears to them to be vigilantes? The Oregon Bar doesn’t seem to care what Roger does. Why is that? Because they see him as inconsequential? Or is it because he prevents Oregon Judicial Watch from being well accepted and a moving force for constructive change?
Looks like it's time for crazy Roger to leave Oregon Judicial Watch.
Since Roger is also the leader of the "cult of stupidity", let's give his cult minions a chance to express their opinions about how great and brilliant Roger is.
It's still a mystery to me why a couple of my relatives, Chris Andrea Hays and Neta Hays, think Roger is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
The ACLU and Ralph Nader
The American Civil Liberties Union certainly doesn't need an unknown person like me to defend them but lately I've been hearing from some groups that the ACLU is un-American, a communist front, anti-religion and other nonsense.
The primary purpose of the ACLU according to the ACLU is to fight for the Bill of Rights for all Americans. This includes the rights of crazy neo-Nazi groups, communists, the pro-war crowd, the anti-war crowd, and many others, including moderates like myself, to be able to exercise the civil rights expressed in the Bill of Rights.
The ACLU also tries to make sure the First Amendment is adhered to. This includes making sure the separation of church and state remains inviolate.
The ACLU stood almost alone in denouncing the federal government’s round-up and internment in concentration camps of more than 110,000 Japanese Americans. In 1993, Congress officially apologized for the action..
That was wrong in the 1940's and it is still wrong today. Eric Muller has even written a book about the internment.
I'm glad we have the ACLU even though I disagree with some of the things they do.
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On a related note I'm glad I voted for Ralph Nader in the last election. While I disagree with most of the Green's agenda, I realize they were willing to give Ralph Nader a forum to continue to express his views on various subjects.
I believe Ralph Nader is not anti-corporation, but is for corporations to be held accountable for their actions, which I agree with. I don't believe Ralph is for socialism, but for free enterprise with laws that protect the consumer, which I agree with. I also believe that corporations have a tendency to abuse consumers when the corporations gain too much political power, and as the recent news reports from all over the world indicate, corporations do, indeed, engage in sleaziness. Corporations have to follow the laws like the average citizen must,and if they don't, then the corporations and the officers of the corporations must be held accountable.
There will always be political patronage in our system of government and this seems to be a necessary evil, but there needs to be checks on the political patronage system.
The worst aspects of political patronage is even more prevalent and more deadly and more ubiquitous in one-party dictatorships.
All in all, I like Ralph Nader and I appreciate all the work he does and has done for the average American citizen.
South Korea Update
Since we have so many troops in South Korea, maybe more Americans should stay on top of what's happening. Check out the following link:
jeffinkorea.blog-city.com Buan out of control
Link via Instapundit
Check out International News Service
Do you like cool investigative journalism. If you do, then check out Investigative News Service. The lead investigator is John Stevens.
November 21, 2003
Clayton Cramer presents today's online local newspaper
Man, one day it's TalkLeft and now it's Clayton Cramer's BLOG who's pointing the way to an online newspaper.
My work here is done.
Donald Sensing points out some American ingenuity
Saving a soldier, sailor, marine or airman is an important thing in combat theaters. Donald Sensing points out something cool.
One Hand Clapping
Army Staff Sgt. Adam R. Irby of the Surgical Intensive Care Unit (SICU) of the 28th Combat Support Hospital, from Fort Bragg, N.C., deployed in Baghdad, got tired of waiting for $900 warming blankets to arrive to use to warm patients suffering from high blood loss, so he made a three-times-more efficient warming box using cardboard, plastic pipe, a hair dryer and duct tape.
Don't let the facts get in the way
I received the following email:
Date: 11/18/2003 15:06:57 -0800
From: "Susan Detlefsen"
To: editor
Subject: Dear Sleazer Editor
I found some of your anonymous Websites over the Internet, namely the ones you put up regarding Roger Weidner, who is one of the most courageous people I have known in Oregon. Mr. Weidner sacrificed a law career by standing up
to corruption and taking on the people's fight. I found your comments about him very cowardly.
I wonder what happened to you that has made you say these things? Mr. Weidner wonders if perhaps there has been a misunderstanding that has prompted your slanderous attacks on him.
Here is his number if you would like to speak to him: 503-232-6691. Knowing the kind of man he is, I'm sure he would welcome the opportunity to speak to you in person to discuss your opinions of him.
Susan Detlefsen
If you want to know what Roger Weidner is really like just visit this site or this site.
Roger may be playing the innocent boy, but since he was my ex-wife's divorce attorney, was later disbarred and thrown into the Oregon State Hospital's program for the criminally insane, playing innocent boy isn't going to work.
His little cult may claim he was disbarred and thrown into Oregon State's mental hospital for fighting corruption and for the rights of the "people", but I'm not falling for that line.
From the Style: The Navigator
Top prize for the Worst Use of the Web in a Political Campaign for 1998, says Gunzberger, went to the official site of Roger Weidner, the Reform Party candidate in the Oregon gubernatorial race. Weidner's home page sported a link to a 1995 newspaper article showing the candidate in handcuffs. The story explained that Weidner, a former state prosecutor, had been declared sane and was being released from the Oregon State Hospital's program for the criminally insane.
Here's a letter from Roger himself:
From: RogWeidner@aol.com 12/13/99
Subject: Court Corruption
Mr. Sussman--I am an historian and former attorney and public prosecutor who has been fighting the pervasive corruption in the Oregon court system for the past l2 years. For attempting to speak, in court on the record, about the criminal conduct of attorney and judges involved in covering up the murder of attorney Don Kettleberg and the theft of his 80-l00 million dollar estate.
I have been repeatedly arrested and to date jailed a total of 290 days.
Seventy of those days I spent in the maximum security unit of the Oregon Insane Asylum on orders of Judge Dorothy Baker. Judge Baker, before she ran out of the court, said I could not aid and assist in my own defense because I had a persecutorial delusion. The delusion was that I thought that many of the judges in Multnomah County were corrupt. Ed Snook with THE OREGON OBSERVER said that at least l0,000 other people in Oregon had the same delusion.
Until a month ago the only time I could speak in court, on the record, was when I was being tried on groundless criminal charges for contempt of court. Not one of the charges I have made against the thieving attorneys or corrupt judges, in open court, about their involvement in stealing the Kettleberg estate, has been denied or otherwise refuted. What I have come to realize is that the court system in Oregon is completely corrupted. What the Gastons and I and hundreds of other citizens around the state are doing is what Art. I Sec. I of the Oregon Constitution gives us an absolute right to do, namely reform the corrupt government to force observance of the citizens rights to equal protection of the law and due process of law.
I don't know if you have enough backbone to identify yourself and hear personally the horror stories about the corruption in our courts here in Oregon. If you do please contact me at l-503-232-669l or write me at 3526 SE Franklin St. Portland, Ore. 97202. Roger Weidner.
Here's another:
EX MULTNOMAH COUNTY PROSECUTOR CLAIMS WIDESPREAD CORRUPTION
CLAIMS OF CORRUPTION ON A GRAND SCALE
Exposed in the Oregon Supreme Court by Roger Weidner, Governor Barbara Roberts, Attorney General Ted Kulongowski, Multnomah County District Attorney Micheal Schrunk and other Federal, State and local officials subpoenaed to appear before a special Grand Jury convened by Roger Weidner on October 14, 1994 to inquire into the cirminal conduct of attorneys and judges covering up the alleged murder of attorney Don Kettleberg by his business partner, attorney Milton Brown and Dr. Charles Hahn, and the conversion by Brown and Hahn of $35 million in Kettleberg estate assets. None of the above appeared before the Grand Jury.
Roger Weidner, an attorney on inactive status with the Oregon State Bar and while serving on jury duty in Multnomah County on October 14, 1994, subpoenaed not only the public officials mentioned above but also the following:
* All justices of the Oregon Supreme Court
* All Judges of the Oregon Court of Appeals
* The entire Oregon congressional delegation
* Portland Mayor Vera Katz
* City Attorney Jeff Rogers
* All City Commissioners
* Clackamas County Commissioners and Counsel
* Mr. Teitsworth with the FBI
* Caroline Leonard, Director of the local IRS office
* Ray Taylor with the Criminal Investigation Division of the IRS
* Robert Skipper, Multnomah County Sheriff
* James O'Leary, Clackamas County District Attorney
* Charles Moose, Portland Police Chief
They were all to appear to show cause why Roger Weidner, as a member of the Multnomah County Juror Panel, should not convene a special Grand Jury to investigate the alleged ongoing criminal conduct of attorneys and judges in Multnomah and Clackamas County Oregon.
The ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE and the SUBPOENA sent to those public
officials appears at the end of this article.
Weidner appeared before the Oregon Supreme Court with 40 of his supporters including Dal Ferry, editorial writer with the Oregon Observer.
Here's another:
WE HAVE KNOWN FOR SOME TIME THAT WE WERE IN A WAR BUT YOU DID NOT SEE THE TANKS ON THE STREETS - WELL THAT IS HERE NOW......
Like Roger Weidner tells people "your children will spit on your grave for what you did not do when you could have to stop this....."
pamela gaston
a voice for children
Old Roger knows what he has done, not only to me but to many others.
As for me slandering him, I don't think so because he is a public figure who has run for public office on more than one occasion and I'm only using what Roger has said, his mindless minions have said and what others have said.
In any event, I have the right to post my opinion about any public figure anywhere.
This sounds like another attempt by Roger and his white supremacist buddies to censor my website.
I wonder if there is anybody out there who can help me with this problem.
The truth of the matter is that it is Roger who has slandered a lot of people, including myself, by claiming we were homosexual satanic perverts, satanic pedophiles and other things. The following is an excerpt:
Why would a 'judge' (a man in a black dress) approve of a 10 year old
girl being repeatedly sexually molested by foster homes unless he is
involved in a ring of pedophiles and satanic sexual perverts? And why
has this girl her parents been denied a trial by jury? The courts
cannot get much more evil!
CITIZENS ARREST JUDGE IN MARION COUNTY FOR TRESPASS OF TREASON TO CONSTITUTION Citizens Arrest Judge in Marion County
Roger Weidner arrested for the l9th time fighting judicial corruption Wilbur Gaston performs a Citizen Arrest on Judge Avera in Open Court
MARION COUNTY SHERIFF SGT. DAVE (THE THUG) McMULLEN STRIKES AGAIN, ARRESTING ROGER WEIDNER AS COURT WATCHERS LEAVE THE COURTHOUSE
October 1, l999 - Salem, Oregon On September 30, l999, in Marion County, Oregon, an outraged group of citizens placed judge Fred E. Avera under Citizens Arrest for Trespass of Treason to the Constitution and Misprison of Felony. Witnessing this arrest were court watchers from A Voice For Children, Oregon Judicial Watch, Constitutional Defenders and Grandparents Rights groups who have been actively confronting the corruption in the Oregon judicial system.
Among the court watchers were l998 Reform Party candidate Roger Weidner, candidate for Secretary of State Carlos Luceros, Director of F.A.I.R. Velma Hartwig, and Oregon Judicial Watch President Pamela Gaston, and 20 supporters.
Here's some more slander sent to the Skanner News from Pamela Gaston, one of Weidner's most ardent supporters.
I am sending this to the list - I want them to see that your paper is not protecting your low income readership by promoting these child abuse programs. We have seen your paper do articles promoting Kay Toran, and Volunteers of America, when she is a KNOWN pedophile, international black market child procurer and child abuser - this already UNDISPUTED COURT RECORDS - THAT MEANS LEGAL FACT, IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.
Over the years Roger and his mindless minions may have convinced some people, including a couple of Navy JAG officers, some of my neighbors, one stupid cop and a couple of my relatives that I'm a homosexual satanic pervert and that I'm a satanic pedophile, but the false accusations are false and what he and his mindless minions have done is real slander.
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The following are two more communications from the gang:
First of all I would like to say that your views on christian identity and the people who are CI, is very one sided and not completly accurate. Second, Christian Identity teaches all races to be seperated and not to mix the races, as well as teaching pride in yourself and your family heritage, which by the way last time I checked there were no laws on the books stating you couldnt be a separtist, as that would negate the supreme law of the land, being the constitution, which inherintly gives all who are citizens the right to their religious beliefs no matter what they are. Although if you do some checking into the the drafts made of the origanial document to what we know now as the constitution, you will find that it was largely based on christian beliefs, mainly the ten commandments.
Third, your theory of Tim McVeigh and Terry Nichols is only a preception fed to the public by controlled media tactics used by the Govermnent as a tool to enforce more intrusive laws into the lives of private citizens who would rather prefer to live in this country as free men and women without somebody dictating to them what they can and cannot do, you have to understand that as long as we have freewill it is a concious decision to live by, or to break the law. Now Mcveigh may have had CI beliefs, but he was also known to run with militia, and other various patriot groups as well. And as for Nichols, to say he was Identity is plan out and out lying. Mr. Nichols was married to a non white woman, and had a baby with her which goes against any and all beliefs of the Identity movement. So I suggest that you should check into your facts more carefully before you pass judgement on anybody sir.
I must tell you Im not Identity and Im not militia, nor am I affiliated with any other patriotic group, but I have studied the belief system of these groups as well as muslim, judism, buddist, and various other religions, and being a white person myself I see nothing wrong with wanting to keep and preserve your heritage. Its ok when the black man stands up and says he is a separatist, or the hispanics, or the asians, but when a white man or woman say it, they are labeled supremeist. Maybe you should talk with Louis Farrakan or Khalihd Mohammahed before you talk any more trash on some of the kindest most generous people I have ever had the priviledge to meet.
Respectfully,
John.
Posted by: John at October 24, 2003 05:59 PM
Here was my reply to John.
The following is from Carl Worden of the Southern Oregon Militia:
Certainly, mainstream Christianity is the primary religious affiliation the vast majority of men and women adhere to who make up the American Militia movement. However, also raising its butt-ugly head is something called "Christian Identity", which is anything BUT Christian and the people embracing it don't know jack about their identity.
CI believers insist they are descendants of the lost tribes of Israel, and are therefore God's true "Chosen". They believe the Chosen are all lily-white, Anglo-Saxon and Germanic and they insist Jews are not descended of the biblical Israel, but are the spawn of Satan himself. People of color and especially whites who marry people of color don't have a place in Heaven, according to the CI freaks.
When it gets right down to it, CI is a religion created to justify racism and anti-Semitism. It is an ugly religion and the people who adhere to it are some of the most evil and hateful people you will ever encounter, particularly if you question their belief system with hard, indisputable facts.
The Southern Poverty Law Center and the ADL did the public a terrible disservice by classifying all these various CI groups as "Militias". In truth, they are skin-head/Aryan Nations/Neo-Nazi freaks, and the only thing a true citizen's militia will probably ever have in common with them will be a gunfight. One cannot support and defend the Constitution of the United States, and at the same time embrace racist or anti-Semitic sentiments. The two belief systems are in enmity with one another.
Nevertheless, CI is making tremendous strides among the disaffected in society who are looking for a scapegoat, and their numbers are growing alarmingly.
Further, CI adherents are quite literally the most dangerous people we have living among us here in America. Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols were CI.
The members of the so-called "Order" who murdered Alan Berg, the Jewish radio talk show host in Denver, were CI. That freak, Buford Furrow, who attacked the Jewish Community Center in Los Angeles and then walked outside and killed a postal worker for no better reason than he wasn't white? Yep, he was CI too.
So the first challenge you'll face in this research is to determine if the people you are interviewing are actually true militia members or CI freaks labeled a militia by that con man Morris Dees of the SPLC.
I hope this information has been helpful.
Have a great day.
Putting Saddam out of business
The following is an opinion that new information combined with old information indicates putting Saddam out of business was a good idea.
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Terror-tied
The strategic wisdom, indeed the imperative, of putting Saddam Hussein out of business as an integral part of the global effort to root out and destroy terrorist organizations has been underscored by the cover story of the November 24th edition of the Weekly Standard. Under the headline "Case Closed" Steven Hayes reveals details from a highly classified, 16-page Defense Department memorandum sent last month to the Senate Intelligence Committee.
On a related note:
The Center for Security Policy
The Saudi government continues to finance and export its extremist Wahhabi strain of Islam, and as such is a "strategic threat" to the United States.
That's the assessment of the chairman of a State Department commission in a November 18 hearing called to discuss whether Wahhabism constitutes a threat.
November 20, 2003
What a bunch of public relations crap!!!!!
At a link below you will find some of the most fatuous crap ever written. He served in the Army and after he got out he has fed, like a pig, at the trough of public tax dollars for almost his whole adult life In the article his feeding at the public trough for years is spinned as an honorable thing.
It's not really an honorable thing. It just shows that Thomas W. (Tom) Sneddon, Jr. has almost always taken the easy way out and he would rather feed, like a pig, at the trough of public money than earn a living the hard way, like many private attorneys do.
If he had been born in the Soviet Union during Stalin's reign, what do you think he would have become? My opinion is that he would have become one of Stalin's most ruthless and thuggish henchmen. I wonder if old Tom believes in the international homosexual, satanic abuse conspiracy. Since old Tom knows everything in the universe, I suppose he wouldn't want to learn more at NSPCC SHATTERS CHILD ABUSE MYTHS.
The following is the link to the fatuous article about old Tom.
Prosecutor Profile - Thomas W. (Tom) Sneddon, Jr.
Remember, after reading it, realize that the article is a public relations article, nothing more. It's can also be considered mindless campaign literature and it should be taken with a lot of grains of salt.
I wonder if old Tom has put any innocent people away in his quest to completely control every aspect of Santa Barbara County? Maybe the Innocence Project might have an opinion.
Anybody who has fed, like a pig, at the public trough for as long as he has simply has got to have some skeletons in the closet. I wonder what they are.
Maybe old Tom is as looney as one of the now retired DA's in Washington County, Oregon.
Might as well post an excerpt from an an article published in the Willamette Week.
August--Washington County Sheriff's deputies respond to a complaint about "two very drunk males in a vehicle...loud and cussing at each other." The driver of the parked vehicle turns out to be District Attorney Scott Upham, who, unlike his passenger, Deputy DA Robert Heard, isn't clearly soused. He is, however, belligerent, repeatedly telling the officer to shut up. Although The Oregonian is tipped off to the story and requests the sheriff's report, the paper never reports the incident. Two years later, a now-retired Upham is charged with drunken driving and leaving the scene of an auto accident.
Unbillable Hours, Ernie, and Gerry
The link below will take you to another link which will take you to another link and so on. They're interesting.
unbillable hours: Ernie The Attorney: How little does law school prepare you for practice?
Today I spent the day trying to clean up after some winter storms. Damn leaves are all over the place. Everywhere there is mud and we're rebuilding a bathroom and shower. Maybe I can take a shower at the local pizza joint.
Being white
My dad, John McClelland Hays, and his friends used to go camping and fishing and hiking. But pig boy, Roger Weidner, convinced him and his buddies to just hang out and "be white".
Sometimes one of my dad's buddies will say something like, "Man, I sure would like to go fishing and have some fish for dinner", but he is reminded by others that Roger Weidner has told them to, "Just hang out and be as white as you can be".
I guess "being white" means you can't go fishing and catch your own fish dinner.
Personally, I would tell these guys, "Jeez, if being white means I can't go fishing and read a good novel, then maybe I will just be offwhite".
Only in looney, homophobic, racist Washington County, Oregon
Outing white racists and pissing off the Navy
As many people in looney Washington County know, sleazey white racist Roger Weidner has powers that reach far and wide.
Top prize for the Worst Use of the Web in a Political Campaign for 1998, says Gunzberger, went to the official site of Roger Weidner, the Reform Party candidate in the Oregon gubernatorial race. Weidner's home page sported a link to a 1995 newspaper article showing the candidate in handcuffs. The story explained that Weidner, a former state prosecutor, had been declared sane and was being released from the Oregon State Hospital's program for the criminally insane.
Today we're outing white racists with ties to Roger Weidner. First, the Navy JAG officer who forged my name to some ridiculous documents; and second, YN2 Cathy Winters who found out she was a member of the super duper Aryan race.
The Navy doesn't like people to know that some Navy JAG officers went bad and comitted crimes for crazy white supremacists so I imagine they are going to do their best to discredit me.
On a note closer to home, there is a guy who goes to a "church" in Forest Grove, Oregon. This church has ordered this guy to isolate his famly and the reasons are as follows:
Christian Identity beliefs
St. Louis Post-Dispatch/March 5, 2000
And Joe Holleman
- White Anglo-Saxons, the supreme race, are God's chosen people because they were created by God and are the descendants of the lost "12 Tribes of Israel."
- Jews of today are false Jews and not the chosen people; instead they are the offspring of Satan as a result of Eve mating with the Serpent in the Garden of Eden. Some preachers say Jews "must be killed."
- God will send another savior to restore the state of Israel to the rightful people; all others will be condemned.
- Nonwhites are soulless "mud people."
- Isolationism and segregation are required; socializing with Jews or people of other races is condemned.
- Interracial marriage, or mating with a non-white, is a sin.
- In some parishes, pastors call for the death penalty for homosexuals.
- Other religions gloss over the true meaning of the Bible, therefore assisting in the erosion of society's morals.
- The mass media, controlled by the Jews, further erode our society's moral standards.
This guy has his wife home school his kids to keep them from coming into contact with the dreaded "Mexican scourge".
Good lord, if his kids came into contact with the "Mexican scourge" they might learn about Josefina Niggli. Since they spend a lot of time preparing for the coming race war in which the master, super duper Aryan race will smash the other races into the racial oblivion corner, I guess they don't have time for learning.
November 19, 2003
Citizenship? I didn't know it exists.
Prof Rhetorica wants to know about textbooks that he can use in his course. He wrote the following:
This class is part of Park's liberal studies sequence (we offer an LS major). I need a textbook that will provide some kind of intellectual foundation and one or more disciplinary perspectives beyond rhetoric and political science. Two titles came readily to mind (because I've used them before): Michael Schudson's The Good Citizen: A History of American Civic Life and Neil Postman's Building a Bridge to the 18th Century: How the Past Can Improve Our Future. Schudson's book would add the discipline of history, specifically looking at how citizenship has evolved in America. Postman's book makes an excellent argument for the cultural, social, and political utility of Enlightenment thinking for the 21st Century. Postman brings history, science (through his critique of technology), and education.
There's good citizens and bad citizens but I figure Donald Sensing may be able to help Andrew R. Cline.
The Daily Rant is having a discussion about comedies
The Daily Rant: The Three Best Sitcoms
You know what, though? They haven't defined "comedies". What if a comedy lasted longer than your usual 30 minute comedy? Who came up with the idea a comedy had to be 30 minutes.
I think a comedy show could include a comedian just spouting off for 90 minutes.
XRLQ is keeping this topic on the burner
XRLQ is keeping this topic on the burner so I'll do my little effort to link to this topic. The link is below:
damnum absque injuria: They Got What They Paid For
What the hell is peyote?
Mark A. R. Kleiman brings up a point about peyote. As a teenager growing up in Tucson, AZ I had the opportunity to witness a couple of peyote ceremonies.
From the various people I have come into contact who took peyote, I didn't notice any change in their behavior. They did seem to become a bit more introspective, though.
I am dedicated to overthrowing everything
Some people have told me that my website is one of the websites in the Northwest that speaks out against all forms of racism. This is a vicious lie only told so people will have a reason to come over and tell me I have to be killed for betraying my race.
The truth of the matter is my website exists for the overthrow of the Mongolian government.
There is a slight problem, though. Nobody knows there is a Mongolian government. Not even the Mongolians know they have a government. But I don't care because, damn it, I'm on a mission. Howard used to be on a mission to make federal courts more accessible to guys like me. He succeeded. I still have work to do.
After we overthrow the government of Mongolia we're going to overthrow the government of North Dakota.
Pejmanesque states that Garry Kasparov is the greatest human chess player ever to have lived.
I think I'm going to have to check out
Capablanca and
bobbyfischer.net.
I'm still convinced that there is no "greatest chess player who has ever lived" but, if there were, I would say Bobby is the greatest. Of course, in other aspects of his life Bobby is a looney, but in chess he knows what he's doing.
Comment spam
I have had the problem of comment spam for sometime. I disabled my comments section for awhile and put in a couple of forums for people to make comments in. They are the JohnHays.net forum and the Sleaze Report forums. I figured, "Who would spam a forum?" You wouldn't be suprised to know people actually spam forums.
Electric Venom points to a post about a prof who started to bill comment spammers for space on his weblog.
Like many weblogs, this is my little contribution to the blogosphere and I don't make any money from this blog. I actually have readers who are interested in what I have to write about. The freedom of the comments section is that I get some feedback from some of my readers. I feel the comment spammers have interfered with my right to have a comments section.
I have spent a lot of time erasing comment spammers from my comments section and it's a damn shame I have to spend time deleting comments when I could spend that time doing something else, like reading some of my favorite bloggers.
There are times when I thought, "To hell with it, I'm getting too much guff just for having a simple website and blog. It's not worth the effort for all the aggravation".
Then I read something at the Thomas Report. It's right below.
BEFORE THEY WERE FOUNDING FATHERS: "They were correspondents -- in the Committees of Correspondence, dedicated to combating with right information the disinformation and "spin" of their days, which emanated from the English King, his courtiers and ministers. Sound at all familiar? This publication today continues that mission of the Committees of Correspondence, as an antidote to the steady dose of media liberalism, political doublespeak, and bureaucratic obfuscation still hailing from the halls of power." -Stolen from The Federalist with a small change
By the way, I've almost completely given up on email because of all the spam.
November 18, 2003
Congratulations England
All this hoopla about some protestors in England bringing down western civilization is a bit farfetched. They have the right to protest and I have the right to ignore them (unless they punch me in the snoot). Congratulations for
Samizdata.net - England in the Rugby World Cup Final and France hung out to dry
Two dogs with something to say
Pongo and a dog of constant hoonting have something to say.
Jack, Neil and PGE
Jack Bogdanski and The One True b!X's PORTLAND COMMUNIQUE have been keeping track of the strange circumstances surrounding a couple of initiatives involving a Public Utility District. Apparently, all that hullaballoo was much "ado about nothing" because the situation has just been taken care of. As Jack says, "I am not making this up".
He's really not making it up. If you don't believe me, just check out the link below.
Jack Bog's Blog: PGE sold -- to Goldschmidt!!!
TalkLeft has done my work for me
In between having my server attacked and fixing my computer, I have been trying to highlight at least one "local online newspaper" somewhere in the world at least once daily. TalkLeft has done my job for me today (Thank you, I'd rather watch a Star Trek movie instead) at the following link.
TalkLeft: Alaska Appeals Court Refuses to Overturn Law Allowing Personal Pot Possession
November 17, 2003
A press release for support of an attorney
I've liked Barbara Johnson for some time. The following is a press release.
Barbara Johnson on trial by Mass. BBO CPF / The Fatherhood Coalition
Nov. 16, BOSTON – The Fatherhood Coalition is asking all supporters of father’s rights to join them at the Board of Bar Overseers at 75 Federal St, Boston, tomorrow morning, Monday, Nov. 17. The BBO is holding a preliminary hearing in preparation for Johnson’s trial scheduled for Dec. 2, 3, 4, 9, 10, and 11.
At issue is her publicizing of cases involving fathers falsely accused of child abuse and domestic abuse/violence in divorce and custody actions. These cases are publicized on her web site, www.falseallegations.com.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote by Barbara:
"They want to shut me up because I’m demanding accountability; because I want to abolish judicial and quasi-judicial immunity… to be able to sue guardians ad litem and parenting coordinators and others like them."
– Attorney Barbara Johnson
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Johnson is requesting that supporters show up at the front entrance tomorrow by 8:30 a.m.
Attorney Johnson has been Massachusetts' most vocal critic of the prevalence of false allegations of child abuse and domestic violence used to destroy good fathers.
According to Johnson, “They want to shut me up because I’m demanding accountability, because I want to abolish judicial and quasi-judicial immunity… to be able to sue guardians ad litem and parenting coordinators and others like them,” she says.
Johnson adds, “But it is politically incorrect to censor my website; so the plan is censure me and sully my reputation. That is the politically correct way to do it.”
###
For further information, contact:
Attorney Barbara Johnson
barbaracjohnson@worldnet.att.net
(978) 474-0833
www.falseallegations.com
Joe Schebel
Event Coordinator and
CPF Hampden County Co-chairman
happydads@aol.com
(413) 789-7515
Mark Charalambous
CPF Spokesman
brontis@thecia.net
(978) 840-0268
CPF / The Fatherhood Coalition
617-723-DADS
A non-profit, all volunteer organization of men and women advocating for fatherhood since 1994
Crazy white supremacist grandmothers who stalk
People have asked me about one of my posts concerning the pig family cult and how they and their allies tried to rip off Bruce Bastion.
Roger Weidner and the gang convinced some stupid people to hate Bruce Bastion and accuse him of all sorts of crimes he never committed. Roger went on to claim his brother invented the technology needed for the internet and the internet. Roger even bragged about how his psycho mother assaults people. I don't really know how Roger (pig boy) can get his white supremacist followers to act like a "mob out of control" but he can and once that mob is focused on somebody, they're extremely dangerous.
My mother, Neta Hays, and my sister, Chris Andrea Hays, have been members of the Roger Weidner/Victor Oekerman gang for some time and they spend a lot of time running around screaming at people, falsely accusing people of horrible crimes, and assaulting people. I've tried discussing philosophy, politics, weather and other subjects with them but they can barely carry on a coherent conversation. All they do is scream about of the evil people and throw temper tantrums. They think everybody is evil. Check out the excerpt below:
The Voodoo Christianity Cult believes the following:
Christian Identity beliefs
St. Louis Post-Dispatch/March 5, 2000
And Joe Holleman
- White Anglo-Saxons, the supreme race, are God's chosen people because they were created by God and are the descendants of the lost "12 Tribes of Israel."
- Jews of today are false Jews and not the chosen people; instead they are the offspring of Satan as a result of Eve mating with the Serpent in the Garden of Eden. Some preachers say Jews "must be killed."
- God will send another savior to restore the state of Israel to the rightful people; all others will be condemned.
- Nonwhites are soulless "mud people."
- Isolationism and segregation are required; socializing with Jews or people of other races is condemned.
- Interracial marriage, or mating with a non-white, is a sin.
- In some parishes, pastors call for the death penalty for homosexuals.
- Other religions gloss over the true meaning of the Bible, therefore assisting in the erosion of society's morals.
- The mass media, controlled by the Jews, further erode our society's moral standards.
Because of those stupid beliefs, the crazy people have declared war on America.
In fact, below you will find a small excerpt from one of the numerous emails sent out by the gang.
WE HAVE KNOWN FOR SOME TIME THAT WE WERE IN A WAR BUT YOU DID NOT SEE THE TANKS ON THE STREETS - WELL THAT IS HERE NOW......
Like Roger Weidner tells people "your children will spit on your grave for what you did not do when you could have to stop this....."
Below you will see the whole email.
TIME TO PROTECT WOMEN AND CHILDREN AGAIN - IN A BARBARIC SOCIETY THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN SAFE, AND WE ARE SLIPPING INTO CHAOS.....
The credible evidence in our court cases in Oregon is that the STATE is operating this black market child selling/child pornography operation, and it is international. After Child Services head Kay Toran went to romania and taught them how to profit from their vulnerable children and orphans, the children being seized and adopted to usa nd europe were not arriving here. This is so bad that just recently the UN stopped all international adoptions because so many of these children were missing.....
thousands in every state and NO real statistics.....
the us Supreme Court is part of the problem , but our rights and accountability are at state government level, which brings us to pedophile chlid abuser protector JOHN KITZHABER and the Oregon Supreme Court. This evidence has been before them for five years and growing in our cases, and to this day only the pornographer has been protected, while we have been attacked and with ALL THIS KNOWN, Melissa has dissppeared into their market.....
We proved in l998 that the pronographer HAZEL SPEES, and the caseworker LARRY LAWSON and TIM IRMEN were grooming Melissa for the pornogrphay trade. The woman who had her seized was later arrested for black market child selling. The courts have done nothing but spend milions $$ literally, more than thirty cases against us on anything they can make up, and all this right out in the open. As these facts have come to light has this Governor investigated? NO has he interevened" NO - he has only protected the criminals, of which he is one.
The state Supreme Courts are the constitutional courts, and where these issues are supposed to be dealt with. Because it is so FETID all the way thorugh, you have these offices filled with pedophiles themselves, the whole gay agenda we deal with every day, and the HUGE money making machinee they have going....
The snuff movies and every kind of perversion on the internet are why WE have not lost our communications network - the people of the world are learning about their abuse through this same network, which the powers that be would LOVE to shut down - BUT THEY CAN'T GET THEIR PORNOGRAPHY AND SATIATE THEIR LUSTS UNLESS THEY HAVE THE INTERNET TOO - and so far they have not figured out how to do this.
I have read that most of the people on the internet are looking at pornography, in chat rooms or buying and selling...... that leaves a small and important segment of the population that are connecting the TRUTH on these websites for the benefit of ALL who will come and learn.
GOD SEES EVERYTHING AND WE TRUST THAT THE DAY IS SOON THAT THE INTENT OF THE HEART WILL DECIDE THE FATE OF THE SOUL .....
So many people think the world is somehow the same as when they were growing up but there is NOTHING that is the same anymore. These pictures decribed in this article that our children can find anywhere on the net, are unlike anything that was in circulation or accessible to children twenty years ago.
God help us all that the children today are being fed this diet of sex and violence, mixed human primal emotions, then influenced with the perversions of homosexuality when they are too young to understand their sexualtiy...
IT REALLY IS TIME TO START PROTECTING YOUR CHILDREN PEOPLE = THERE WAS A REASON WHY MOMS STAYED HOME AND DADS WORKED AND FELT GOOD ABOUT PROVIDING FOR THE FAMILY ...
But then again, we all know that the design of the global controllers is to destroy the Family Body and the rest falls into their control
we are there already.
THE ONLY ANSWER IS FOR MORE PEOPLE TO STAND AGAISNT THIS AGENDA WITH THE TRUTH. IN THE COURT, AND IN THE WORLD, THE ONLY POWER IS THE TRUTH AND THE SWORD FOR THOSE WHO SPEAK IT.
We hear stories of abuse like this constantly. In Oregon, KEVIN MANNIX governor candidate is financed by LOREN PARKS who is one of the biggest perverts in the country - he designed pedophile machines that are used by gays and the state alike to abuse chidlren and adults. And you see "church" groups like Christian Coalition SUPPORTING THIS FILTH.
Lastly, the people should know that these so called "assessment centers" that make pornography of the children, often with male and female foster people and caseworkers and "therapists" in there, SHOW PORNOGRAPHY TO THE MEN WHO ARE WIRED UP ON THE LOREN PARKS PENIS MACHINES AS THEY ARE QUESTIONED - WHERE DO THEY GET THIS PORNOGRAPHY????? IN THREE TRIALS NO ONE CAN SAY IN THE MARION COUNTY COURTHOUSE WHERE THE PORNOGRAPHIC VIDEO OF MELISSA IS - IT IS NOT WHERE IT WAS CONCEALED CRIMINALLY BY JUDGE JOSEPH OCHOA TO PROTECT THE PORNOGRAPHY.
THIS WHOLE THING WAS SENT TO THE JUSTICE DEPT BY A POLICE CHIEF, AND ALL THE ATTORNEY GENERAL DID WAS RETALIATE MORE AND MORE, AND STILL.......THEY ARE THE PEDOPHILES !!!!
WAKE UP AMERICA - IT MAY BE TOO LATE ....
WE HAVE KNOWN FOR SOME TIME THAT WE WERE IN A WAR BUT YOU DID NOT SEE THE TANKS ON THE STREETS - WELL THAT IS HERE NOW......
Like Roger Weidner tells people "your children will spit on your grave for what you did not do when you could have to stop this....."
There is a small group of violent white supremacist females here in Washington County, Oregon. They get away with a lot of crimes because of one high ranking cop who is a secret member of the gang. It's incredible.
November 16, 2003
Cryptome and site stats
It's sort of fun to keep site states. Cryptome had a message some months ago that site stats can be used against you. So I quit. I wondered how you can use site stats without site stats being used against you.
Now there is a way. It is called AXS Visitor Tracking from Fluid Dynamics Software Corporation.
Man, Archpundit gets hate email like I get
ArchPundit
Link via Cobb.
Why do people make fun of jackasses?
Electric Venom has a post about Meryl Yourish who shows her pet ass while the pet ass is all tied up. Where's PETA when you need them? Probably out setting hundreds of minks free so the minks can kill themselves and a bunch of pets.
Associated Press
Aug. 29, 2003 10:01 AM
SULTAN, Wash. - Hundreds of minks set free in Washington state by animal rights activists are devouring farm animals and exotic birds in the area.
One farmer who breeds rare ducks and chickens says over half of them were eaten alive by the minks.
Animal activists say that while the farm animals' deaths are unfortunate, it proves minks raised in captivity can survive in the wild.
The American Liberation Front, considered a domestic terrorist group by the FBI, has claimed responsibility for releasing 10,000 minks from a farm a few days ago. About 80 percent have been recaptured.
The FBI is investigating.
Today's lecture deals with jackasses.
Today's lecture is entitled - The study of two words, "Principles and Principals".
Some principals have principles. Some don't. And this reminds me of my brilliant solution for dealing with the pressing "fleas on jackasses" problem. Whenever I have a jackass who comes down with fleas, I just flush the jackass down the toilet and buy another one.
Of course, the people who run the local sewage treatment plant don't like the idea, but remember, many stupid ideas, like communism and fascism, started out as stupid ideas and then became more stupid. What the people at the local sewage treatment plant are worried about is that pretty soon everybody in the neighborhood is going to be flushing their jackasses down the toilet.
But you know what I say.
Oh no......... I just realized I had those damn fleas on those damn jackasses trained to perform in a flea circus.
AAAAaaaarrrrgggggghhhhhh.........I just flushed my fortune down the toilet.
Well, I got some good news.
Today's interview is with Professor Molotov of Portland State University, that amazing amalgam of illustrious urbanity.
The professor has been kind enough to make me a cocktail while I interview him. Let's start with the interview. For the sake of simplicity the Sleaze Report will be SR and the Professor will be PROF.
SR: Well, professor, thanks for the cocktail.
PROF: No problem. Hahahahahaha. In just five minutes there'll be one less imbecilic, imperialistic swine on the planet. Hahahahaha.
SR: Yes, well, professor, I'd like to ask you a few questions about yourself before we get into discussing your area of expertise.
PROF: (Looking at his watch) Hahahahaha, just three more minutes and one less imbecilic, imperialistic swine on the planet. Hahahahaha.
SR: Yes, well, professor, tell us a little about yourself.
PROF: I like the blondes with the big bazooms, you know what I mean?
SR: Yes, well, professor, that's not exactly the topic I had in mind.
PROF: (Looking at his watch again) Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. And now, you go POOF.
The professor got up out of his chair and came over to me and peered real closely at me. He seemed perplexed.
PROF: Hmmm, you should have gone poof. You don't have any Irish blood in you, do you?
SR: A little. Why?
PROF: I KNEW IT. MY MOLOTOV COCKTAILS DON'T WORK ON IRISH SCUM!!! The interview is OVER!!! YOU UNDERSTAND???!!! If I can't even get rid of one imbecilic, imperialistic swine I might as well go back to class and check out the blondes with the big bazooms.
Then the professor walked away in a huff.
More good news.
Today's lecture, in honor of Bonnie Oekerman's habit of not returning my clothes and underwear when I divorced her crazy daughter, is entitled,
Underwear's Role in Society, and Its Usefulness as a Tool to Effect Social Change
Today, as a special treat for our readers, we have Professor xxxxyccchijjjkg of Portland State University in Portland, Oregon here to tell us about how underwear can tear down class differences.
Sleaze Report: Professor, your name looks like one of the names in those porno emails I get with the help of the Roger Weidner/Victor Oekerman gang.
Prof: Yes, well, we're not discussing cheap, sleazy sex today, we're discussing underwear. Besides, I know nothing....NOTHING!!!
Sleaze Report: Is it true that you should always make sure your neighbor has clean underwear on, you know, just in case they have an accident, like stabbing themselves with a fork while eating spaghetti?
Prof: No, no. That's an old man's tale, and you've got it wrong. It's not your neighbors' underwear that needs to be cleaned, but your own. And it's not spaghetti, it's Chinese food cooked by that great chef, Victor Oekerman, that can cause you to stab yourself with your fork.
Sleaze Report: Professor, what underwear is the best underwear?
Prof: Well, of course, the kind I sell.
Sleaze Report: Why do YOU sell underwear?
Prof: Because those bourgeoisie, capitalistic pigs don't pay geniuses like me enough to go out to the bars every night. Also, my underwear has no class....er...uh...I mean, no class distinctions.
Sleaze Report: Thank you, Professor, it's been an enlightening chat.
I always wanted to be a drummer
Back when I was a kid growing up I always wanted to be a drummer. Unfortunately, almost everbody had spare guitars but not spare drum sets.
So people would say, "Here, take this guitar and play it the way I tell you."
I learned how to play the guitar the way a lot of people wanted me to play it. I never learned how to play the sax, though.
Charlie Parker did.
Bruce Springsteen also knows how to use a sax in a song.